What We Should’ve Been

My memory of the early days are quite foggy

But from what my family tells me is similar

We used to be much closer than what it is today

However all I can recall is the distance that grew

We would fight often that I swear I don’t know why

Fighting can occur for others too but it’s all we did

And sadly most of the time I couldn’t defend myself

As time passed eventually I was able to though

But by then it was as if you had died along the way

With someone else more empty taking your place

Then one day you left only to return for something

I could never understand how we connected at all

However there were very rare moments that we did

I saw the similarities in both of us and always thought

What should’ve been had we been able to get along

The fun adventures and talks that could’ve happened

The last conversation we ever had was perhaps the best

After all these years we just talked about our lives

You asked what I wanted to do in the future and more

I guess this was the first time that we actually bonded

From that day on we never spoke again to each other

While your life slowly wilted I tried to survive my own

In the end we both had our own struggles in life

Now I’m much older while you are at midlife

But I didn’t stop thinking about what could’ve been

Long ago I used to be filled with anger towards you

Wishing we didn’t fight and that you didn’t leave

Of you not being there for me when I needed you

Especially during the dark times where I had no one

You left years ago and I was alone watching others bond

I’d see others who had that loving support and envy them

Whether at the park, the concert or at a restaurant

All I could see what happiness, care and fun there

While I grew older having none of that around me

Eventually I was able to find others who did though

Bringing their own love and adventures to remember

It may have not been the same but in it’s own way it was

That anger slowly turned to sadness over what happened

Over what should’ve been had different choices been made

But I was much younger and could only watch from afar

As the poison changed you and took you away from me

Removing your smile you thought you’d get back with it

I often tell people I meet I was basically an only child

Perhaps I sort of wished I was because it’s easier

It’s preferred than dealing with the painful reality

There’s no other pain like having absent siblings

Of not having a big brother to be there for you always

It’s all I ever wanted growing up and at times I still do. . .

Inspired by performance starting at 2:40

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