Overcoming Negative Self-Talk

They say the first week or so is the hardest when starting someplace new, and I feel that to be true in my case. Apartment-life hasn’t been so bad. I met my upstairs neighbor, who happens to be from Chicago (I could see myself living there), and I feel we could have good conversations. Other than that, I have yet to stumble upon my neighbors next door. Nor at the gym, where everyone is in their own little world exercising.


As for work, like I said, we all try to eat lunch together. But I joined at a time where they are typically busy, so I don’t have much time to mingle and get to know them well outside of lunch. I’m still the new guy for a while. Today was honestly an “okay” day of more learning, but right now in my mind it was a not a great day. See, besides myself, there is another new hiree and an intern. The new hiree used to be the intern there, so he has one year experience there. As for the intern, she’s a doc student who’s actively studying material. Me, well as you all know, it’s been about a year and a half since I last did anything like this. I know I’m rusty, and I could feel it today. We did some roleplays and scenarios, and while the other 2 knew quickly what they would do, I felt slow and unsure. To be honest, I felt dumb and a part of me wondered if I’ll be a good fit.


Of course, months from now we might look back and laugh at this and think of how silly it was to have these thoughts. I know this month and the weeks after are basically training months for me and the new hirees, but I hate this feeling like I’m slow and I don’t want to give them doubts about my abilities. Anyone else ever feel like that? Of course, there’s also the element of being in a new town and adjusting that could play part in this feeling. Do I want to branch out, explore, and make new friends here? Absolutely! But I also don’t have to luxury to toss money around to join organizations or go out a whole lot. I still haven’t even gotten my first pay check yet. I know, though, that it’s important to not fall into the “lonely” trap when being in a new place. Because then it can lead to homesickness, and it’s already difficult as is with my phone receiving pictures of my family.


I know I’m only an hour away, while some of you are perhaps in a different state, or even a different country living on your own. No matter the distance, in this case, I think you know the feeling of self-doubt and such. Uncertainty if this city will suit you, unsure if you’ll do amazing at work. What’s keeping me going is texting and talking to my friends on the phone. Even though some friends, both here and globally, are busy living there own lives, the ones who make time to chat have really kept me smiling and getting through these grueling days of crash-course learning. I’m happy tomorrow is finally Friday, and I can tell myself I survived my first week at a new job in a new city. It’s important to take things one moment at a time, one day at a time, one whatever at a time. And keeping some sort of support around you, like I have with some friends while I try to find friends here. Above all, I’m confident I can do this job since I did study and aspire to do such for two years. I’m rusty, a little slow knowing what to do, but I can’t give up. I have to stay positive, and tell myself it will be okay soon. Just keep your head down, and press on with whatever boulder your pushing. In some way, we’re in this together and not alone. . .


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