In The Silence, Thoughts

So last Friday, I had oral surgery #2; the worst of the 3 to be had. This is just a minor procedure to fix gum issues from the braces I had as a teen. While the last one covered a small area, this one was nearly the entire bottom row. Ho-lee cow, what a difference in abilities. The last one I was go to go over the weekend, and maybe eat in half a week; although I didn’t eat on that side. This one, however, I’ve been on nothing but soup and shakes to keep me energized. It is not helping much. I can’t really be active, because one mishap and it can undo all the stitching and hard work the surgeon did. I’m not supposed to chew near the site for at least ten days. . . avoid chewing with nearly my entire lower jaw. I’m starving and miss food dearly, but time will fly. All I’ve done was relax at home, and do little things like read, apply for jobs and think.

Life thoughts and all. You know, the things we all do! Because at least until this weekend, I have to wear a retainer-like thing on the roof of my mouth. It hinders my talking to a very nerdy Neal Goldman (Family Guy reference), but at least it’s better than the gauze-filled speech where I sounded like Kenny (South Park) the first two days. So I haven’t spoken much, though I told my boss I’d be in the office tomorrow. I wouldn’t wear the retainer, but a part of me is thinking maybe I should take the week off. I earned it, right? (cough cough)

In this stillness of silence, thoughts of old and new are converging. People from my past popping by to see how I’m doing or wanting to reconnect, others currently too busy to stay in touch. Rejection emails still flowing in, while applications sent persistently. For someone who’s willing, and wanting, to relocate for work and has a good track record I’m surprised at the slowness of landing a new job. But it’s allowed me to further explore what I want in life. Just like how being stuck at home allowed me to see myself again. I didn’t always prefer talking face to face, but now I do yet in this week where I can’t really talk I was stuck to using my phone. It kept me locked up here in one spot, which I don’t like as well. It made me further realize how much I don’t want a life behind screens all day, and be out in the sun, socializing with others rather than hiding away.

While tech jobs are in demand, there will always be even more demand for someone who can turn a phrase. Because soon technology will replace certain jobs, and so we must adapt and do other things. As I see my father slowly turning into the grumpy old man, due to constant medical visits, I can’t help but think he never really lived life. I don’t want to go down the same road. My sister is trying her best, but it’s not always the brightest ideas. The main thought that came to me, in this near week of not doing much, is I don’t know what is worse: that we have to Pay to Live or that we Live to Pay for something. Why can’t we simply. . . Live?

But through this we learn survival and strength in various ways. From the single mother trying to support her two kids, to the young nurse trying to stay strong working so many hours. From the bartender trying to make it big in music, to the janitor working to pay for their daughter’s education. Life won’t always go our way. Some strike major luck, both good and bad, while the rest of us try to live as best we can. We have little moments that we reflect on later on. While I continue to recover from surgery, and searching for the next chapter of my life, I think I’m going to start removing things I don’t need in my life. From social media (not this blog, don’t worry), to people, to tendencies it’ll be wiped away.

I was so close to getting a dog recently, only for the person to not show up. What I’d like in life is to just throw away the phone, get in my Jeep (need that as well) and drive with my dog all over the place. As I read that last sentence, I wonder if you readers out there are kind of getting the picture as to the type of person I am. If I make it to old age, maybe I’ll finally stay in one place, but for now I don’t think I will ever stop moving. The other thing that has been on my mind is that as I approach 30, I have met many people who also have that drive to always be on the move; whether around town or across the globe. I wonder, though, if or when I will find someone who wants to be on the move. . . with me.


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