It’s Sunday night, eyes weary from looking at books and computer/phone screen most of the day. Chasing little nephew around the house. As the clock turned about 5:00pm, the game just finished. And there was Manu Ginobili, 40 years old, helping my team to win the game. Given how this year has been for them, a part of me was hoping today was the last game of the season for us. Blasphemy, I know. But as optimistic as I can be, I also see reality. Yet to see a 40 year old, give it his all in what could’ve been his final game ever, it made me think of myself. The way the crowd cheered wildly for him near the end, it reminded me of some of my friends silently cheering me best of luck on this journey. I will admit, recently I miss hearing from some. As the final 3 weeks have arrived, nothing but tests await me. Shut off from the world until then, and I hate it. It’s just one class, but it’s a subject I simply despise. I can only imagine how much of a hermit I will be if I get into med school.
Today is one of my grad school friend’s birthday, and all I could do was send a text. Studying keeps me from going out, but I’m nearly there. Along the way though, I feel guilty if even a few days go by without talking to certain friends. Some wondering if I’m still alive, others wondering what I’ve been up to, and a few waiting for their culture/language lessons (haha). And yes, I’ve fallen into that trap we all go through with people we haven’t talked to in a while. You know, the one where you’re excuse is “you didn’t want to bother them” and things like that. As someone who is accustomed to being on my own, it is very hard for me to be the one to constantly text. Some of my best friends and I go weeks or months not texting, and I’m fine with that while others prefer to text a bit more frequently. It’s a balancing act that I’m failing at right now, and I must work on that in med school. It’s especially harder with my international friends, due to time difference and all. If only we lived much closer, or if travel wasn’t so hard to do. But it really does feel like a lonely climb to the top of this metaphorical mountain. The cheers get further away the farther I climb up. Family is there, but sometimes can be distracting. I really need to get a dog, as some sort of companion with me on this quest. If anyone knows of an Australian shepherd looking for a home, let me know!
Volleyball season ended with another loss. I played better than I did in the fall at least, and afterwards I finally shot the basketball around. I even let a little kid beat me in a game; though he kind of made me play with him. After he made 20 points, he went to his mom and said “Mommy, mommy I beat him!”. I smiled and walked to my car thinking, I should have beaten him 20-2. Jokes aside, it felt good to just get away from the world and back to my happy place. I also turned down an interview for a part-time job that payed double than what I make, and is only 4 days instead of 5. Why did I, you might ask? Well, it has to do with this journey. See, that other job pertained to my Master’s degree. I applied to several jobs in the event things didn’t go well in chemistry. Though anything can happen these 3 weeks, I’m going forward under the assumption that I will make it.
And looking online further into this journey, I read others saying how the interviewers for med school will ask all sorts of questions; including commitment. See, if I had gotten that job and then a year and a half later apply to med school, they will see that. They will probably ask me why am I still working with my master’s if I will leave it for medicine? Or am I not really committed to medicine, and will leave for another career right after? Little things like that they will see, so I made the choice to turn down the interview. It stings, but I will be fine. As summer approaches, I will also look into volunteering opportunities. Maybe take some dance classes, and relearn things like the saxophone. The first thing will definitely be a concert, which is on Wednesday night; the night of my final exam. I had to lie to the professor about why I couldn’t do the exam that night, and so he said I could take it in the morning. The class took a vote before that to either do Monday or Wednesday. . . I was the only Monday vote. Sometimes I feel like the oddball in the class. But in the end, everything will be okay. . . If a 40 year old Ginobili can still give it his all and be passionate about what he does, given everything that’s been going on, then I know my journey will be worth it when I reflect as an old man.