emotionless

Why are you here?

Because I’m afraid of myself.

 
How I can be so caring, yet so cold when I want to be. To strangers I am compassionate, though heartless when I try to make it. To ones I know, I’m growing distant. Perhaps subconsciously for their own good. I’m noticing my integrity fading, as I reach for any sort of semblance. Starting to feel more natural not feeling anything; I wasn’t always like this. Though I try to see the best in others, I can’t say the same for me. I can’t even convince myself to stay for long. I should get going.

 

Why are you conflicted?

Because I know it exists.

 

I’ve grown among heartless, but I’ve seen two beat as one. I can verify it’s not just a fairy tale, as others around me give it. Yet here I am all these years later, still unable to find it. It’s not the destination, rather the path that is difficult to stay on. So many to choose, even the ones already taken before me. Maybe I’m too broken. Then again, looking at others around me, seems like even they don’t know what it truly is like. I should really go now. Maybe traveling the world on my own is what I need. Maybe I’ll find it there.

 

Why are you lost?

Because I don’t know what it‘s like.

 

Everyone changes over time, but they see a bit ahead of them. I see nothing but dark shades, as I slowly travel this track. People had high hopes for me. I deserved this. Though I find myself more and more wondering what lies on the other side. Maybe I should give a decade or two to the other way of life. Some are simply not meant for it, and must do other things instead. What a curse, really. Alone. I’m now used to it at least. I don’t need it, a family, or whatever else. Winter is my favorite season. It suits me well.

 

Why are you here?

Because I’m incapable of love. . .


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